letter to a . . .

They say true friends don’t have a lot pictures together. That rather, in exchange of insta-worthy content, memories are in place. That it is those people whom you were living in the moment with. I know for a fact you did. Lived in the moment and enjoyed every second. At least that is the image of you engrained in my brain.

As time passed, I thought naturally tears would likely lessen. However, big surprise, every year without a doubt it seems like something has broken the dam, and my eyes turn into what seem like eternal waterfalls.

Whether it’s a picture, a color, or a simple nod towards anything we may have shared or may resemble an aspect of you in the most minimal way, my eyes seem to twinkle as they gloss regardless of how much I try to keep them from doing such in the battle I inevitably lose attempt after attempt.

I must admit, that seeing the word “delivered” on the texts, picture(s), and anything I have sent you used to make me feel sick. While I will not say I jump from joy at seeing that (in my opinion dreadful) word, I will say that seeing your name in my screen now serves a diffferent purpose: a reminder to smile.

I have to say thank you. While this is a [set of] date[s] that I would not necessarily qualify as one I look forward to, I will say that it does bring some good with it. Every year you remind me that it is okay to feel emotions. It is okay to need others from time to time and accept any help. So thank you, for reminding me (and many others) that it is okay to not be okay all the time.

Another big thing you are to blame for (in a good way, I promise): being responsible for reminding me to open my eyes and mind to what life entails. If I had heard that life is unexpected, I did not truly listen until, well You know. You have made me realize, time after time, how precious time is, and that this precious loan we have, should be enjoyed and LIVED to the fullest. I know that too many times I have taken this for granted, and not even given this fact an ounce of thought. But you, year after year, remind me of how important it is to replay this in my mind.

I have heard that in every loss there is a gain. It has taken me some time to fully accept this in your case. However, as challenging as it may be, I will say that you have given me gain after gain. I’m blaming you again (sorry not sorry) for allowing me to experience life from a different lens than I did before.

While I may have no so-called content of us, I have plenty more than that.

I hope that wherever you may be, that you are surrounded with laughs and sunflowers. That you are able to dance all over the place and sing. I hope that you can see how much good and impact you still have here. I miss you forever my friend.

Love,

. . . a friend.