same little me

I saw a quote the other day that read “been so worried about getting my life together I almost forgot I’ve achieved some of my childhood dreams.”

Like many others in law school (I assume), I am a Type A personality. To the T. Always have been, likely always will. 

By the time I was 10, I had my future planned. At least for the next decades, I “knew” what my future held. 

Now, almost 15 years later, I am nowhere near close to what those timelines, deadlines, bullet points and pinterest boards held. In some ways. And in others, I think I could make the argument, that I am right there. 

Law school was never part of the plan. With no attorneys in my family, nor inner circle, the thought of practicing law never even crossed my mind. 

In my very young mind, I "knew" I was going to go to college, study architecture or graphic design. Be married and have my first kid by 24. And live in what I thought of as a big beautiful house. One I designed, with a wrap-around porch. I pictured myself in my office during the day, making “dreams” come true. Bringing visuals to reality. Traveling, and finding myself in corners of the world I could only dream of. 

I went to college for a bachelors in psychology. And it wasn’t until I had what I deemed an “existential crisis” at the age of 20, that “the law” made itself known to me. 

It was then that the plan I had going into college and for the next  years of my life suddenly was of no use to me. I realized where I wasn’t meant to be, but had yet to figure out where I did. 

And it was then, that the voice of one of my beloved high school teachers started repeating in my mind. “You should consider being a lawyer,” “you should be a lawyer.” Generally because, for better or for worse, I got my way and what I wanted while a teenager at school. 

And so, guided by my type A self, I took it upon myself to seek out some answers to my newfound questions. Speaking to attorneys in my area, peers who had known they were law school bound (or interested in it), and my good friend: the internet. I informed myself on what law school was, the process of getting there, and the process throughout. As much as I could. 

And slowly but surely the feeling that this could work for me came. 

The initial steps of getting to law school were somewhat challenging, but everything took form so quickly I didn’t have time to doubt or fret. I had to do it. Had to take action for the choice I had just made. A decision that shook that part of me that was still holding on to those lists and pre-visualized years to its core. 

Change. A fear that I have grown to appreciate. 

I can remember it  so well. Choosing the school that would be the first step in my newfound chapter. Sitting in my room at my college apartment, alone on my bed, and seeing the message after I clicked accept to a school I had never visited before. Miles and miles away from everything and everyone I knew. 

While I set foot on campus for the first time on the first day of my orientation, based on my “top tier” research, I was fully confident that I knew exactly what law school would be like. 

And I could not have been more wrong. 

The past three years have been full of ups and downs, full of surprises, full of learning opportunities. Both inside and outside the classroom. 

Full of questions. 

At times questioning if this is where I was meant to be, if this is who I am meant to be. If I had made the right choice. 

These years have been full of changes. Inherently, ones I could not expect nor prepare for. Changes I once would have never even considered accepting, but now, (depending on each situation) can look back on and smile. 

Because today, I know, this is where I am meant to be. 

There were some struggles and slight obstacles, but inevitably, I found myself on the path I now know was bound to come my way. I just needed to give myself the chance to look for it, and find it. 

Today, as a twenty four year old woman, I am not an architect nor a graphic designer. I am not at all close to being married or having a kid. And I am not living in a big house with a wrap-around porch (not yet). 

I am however, getting ready to finish my academic career and walk the stage wearing a gown, hood, and tam. Which I never imagined. Completing my graduate degree in a state I had never even considering getting the chance to visit one day. A place I got to live and experience for three whole years. 

I am surrounded by a support system one could only dream of. Family and friendships I have garnered across every stage of life. People in my corner regardless of time changes, or the distance. Full of experiences and memories for those who have come and go these past three years,  each one leaving a unique and beautiful mark. Of some hard moments, but a multitude of laughs. 

I am getting ready to move and begin my new chapter in a place I had only ever imagined one day visiting (and I get to live there now!!). I am picturing myself in my office in the coming months, and in a slightly different way, making dreams come true. 

The little girl that always got the same note during parent-teacher nights: “talks too much,” and got sent to the principal’s office multiple times for defending those who to her appeared to be the “smaller one in the fight.” 

Not too long from today, that same little girl gets to speak her mind like she always has. She gets to talk and instead of getting in trouble, she now gets to be the voice for those who may not otherwise be heard. 

I think little me would be so proud.