self lo ve

I love writing, but mainly for myself. Many times, as a way to remind myself things I deem important enough to fixate on for at least a little bit. I have also written for others at times, or with others in mind, and this is one of those times. Now, this is something I "wrote" in my mind one day and have repeatedly "read" to myself time and time again, but now I'm finally getting to put it into words, as it is one of those things I deem important enough for others to join me in fixating on.

I was talking to someone really special to me the other day (now way longer than just the other day if we're being honest here). While having quite the REAL and deep conversation with a friend, we stumbled, in between our crying, on the topic of love and appreciation. You see, a certain group of words left my friends mouth, and oh my god, did they make me smile. With tear tracks somewhat drying on our faces, I heard my friend say something along the lines of: I am happy with who I am, I love who I am. And just like that, I started to cry again.

Self love, self appreciation, self anything for that matter is a topic that while I don't think society thinks of as taboo, is in my opinion almost treated that way? And I don't mean that people don't necessarily discuss it, or experience it, but I think unfortunately for many of us (especially girls as the group I have talked to about this) feel some sense of discomfort when it makes an appearance. A discomfort that should not accompany love.

As I have grown, like everyone, I have become more than aware of what I consider weaknesses about myself. Physical and nonphysical attributes I have many times pointed out, whether it be knowingly or subconsciously. And this comes way too easy for my liking.

When I started practicing affirmations (which I highly recommend) the first feeling experienced was "holy is this uncomfortable or what." Staring at a mirror telling myself "I am enough, strong, beautiful, or a lucky girl," or whatever it may be, made me almost want to stop immediately. But I have kept it going, and it's gotten better and easier every day.

I do consider myself to be a woman full of positive traits, and I try to carry myself with as much confidence as I have garnered through all the years I have lived. But again, being honest, it's never been quite easy. It's taken years. It's taken practice. It's taken energy and effort. It's taken all of that, to now be able to say I am happy with who I am. I love who I am.

And every time I say it in the mirror, out loud, facing no one but me, a strong feeling overcomes me and for some reason I get teary-eyed. The day my friend expressed these feelings to me, I felt overcome with feelings again, but in a different way.

I felt so extremely happy and proud. To see another woman, and one I hold close to my heart, be able to express that to me with such confidence and ease, and a bright smile on her face. That's a feeling I hope I never forget. Witnessing self love. It felt like something I can't quite put into words, something I don't know if I had ever felt. As a fellow woman, being filled with pride over what some may think is minimal but I consider huge, felt almost like not a small, but a giant leap for [wo]mankind.

I don't know why feeling self love and appreciation can be so challenging for us at times. Maybe it's because of the power that message holds, maybe its because it's in our nature to see ourselves in the most human way (the same way we are our own biggest critics). But learning to truly love and be happy with who we are is, I think, the most important love any of us can have.

Not every day is perfect, we're human after all, but consistency is quite the helper, and while some days I may not feel it as strongly, I continue reminding myself, and you should too, of the strong and amazing individual I am. The strong and amazing woman I am.

You should do it too. Do it today. Do it tomorrow. Do it every single day. Out loud, in your mind. Actually being loud or whispering, it doesn't matter. I know you, whoever is reading this, deep inside or very presently in your mind, knows how incredible of a human you are. How strong. How unique. How important. So go ahead, let it all out.

Find how incredible you are inside and out, see yourself the way you should be. Work towards erasing any discomfort, and just feeling that self love. See yourself the way the world sees you.

And even if today is the day you may have taken a couple steps back and the discomfort is back, it's okay. We can always get back on track. I hope one day, every single one of us, can, like my friend, confidently and with a smile on your face share with the world: I am happy with who I am, I love who I am.

You got this.

Love,

Unsigned<3